i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
BRING THE BAGELS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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