i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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