feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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