you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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