u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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