Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
