Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
