Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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