it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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