we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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