all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Terrible idea I love it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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