Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
