Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
