peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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