We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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