Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
