i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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