Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
