Four minutes until I can fart!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
