I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
