i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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