yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
