Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
