Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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