If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
