i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
