Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just crazy horny about you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
