Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We are two peas in an std pod
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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