you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
