we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
