He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
