I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
