wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
