my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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