I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
