i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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