The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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