I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
