Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
