pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dick very happy bro
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
