Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
