I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
