Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
