Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
