i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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