I will die if light touches me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
