I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
