she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
