which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
