I like to think it a success when the cops are called
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
