I want to have your abortion
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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