Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
