I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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