shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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