not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
