I heard we made out
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
