I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
