I got chris browned last night
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm too high and old for this...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
