He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
