I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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