Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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