So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
