OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
