HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
