i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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