Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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