Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
