Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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