Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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