This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
