Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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