I wish my penis had an off switch
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
