i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
